So yeah, not really posted for a short while. Reasons being because I’ve got more work to do than you can shake a stick at.. Like being a friggin’ Chilean miner under all the heaps of essays, artwork and filming to do. SAKE!
It’s funny how things in life work. One action can lead to a very big change in the future. In chaos theory this is known as ‘The Butterfly Effect’.. The idea that if a butterfly flaps it’s wings that it could later cause a hurricane as a consequence. That example sounds silly but one other example I’ll explain later is way more realistic and makes way more sense. I’m sorry but chaos theory sounds so freakin’ badass. Everytime I read it I think Sonic and chaos emeralds. Just thought you’d like to know! So anyway, sidetracked once again. The whole idea for this post sprung about from a certain show that’s currently airing on Fx called ‘American Horror Story.’ I’m not sure if any of you have watched it but I’ll just tell you where I’m leading to.
Basically one of the characters in the show is a teenage ghost named Tate. He was a psychopathic killer who massacred a bunch of his schoolmates in the school he went to. He was then later shot by the police and died forever being haunted by his past killings of these teenagers. Anyway the point being is that I didn’t realise until yesterday, that it was actually vaguely based on a true story of a high school massacre known as ‘The Columbine Massacre of 1999.’ For those who don’t know, two students; both friends; went into their own school around 11am to 12am and started shooting at random targets. Well, they weren’t so random in some cases. They targetted as Americans would call, ‘Jocks,’ who; as a tradition in the school; wore white caps to establish their athleticism. I decided to extensively read up about it on Wikipedia. You may laugh but Wikipedia is chock-a-block with information. I sat and read it for at least an hour. Check it out here to get the full story.
The thing about this story that interested me was their reasoning for the massacre and the build up beforehand. The two involved, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were both very good friends. Together they set up a website that was originally intended for the sharing of personal maps made for the game ‘Doom.’ Keep in mind that they both clearly enjoyed playing videogames and were both interested in the internet and technology. This probably meant they were subjected into the social category of a ‘nerd’ or ‘geek.’ Remember this because it is a key point for later on.
So after a few weeks the site started to expand in uses. Harris started using it as a personal blog that was doing fine and included his thoughts on society, friends and family along with a joke or two. But then things progressively became more disconcerting as Harris started to post information on the mischief that both him and Klebold got up to. This included the instucting, making and use of home-made bombs. Skipping ahead in the timeline Harris’s posts started to become increasingly aggresive towards society and people from his school. This included his hate against society and death threats to certain class mates. He then later started posting about his collection of guns and bombs and of targets he wished to kill. The site was never really popular and recieved very little traffic. But as the site went from private to public it was instantly shut down. Shortly afterwards Harris and Klebold were caught stealing tools from the back of a van. They were convicted and sent to juvenile prison where they attended rehabilitation classes and Harris also frequently visited a psychologist for therapy.
Harris was given medication to help his spiralling depression and restlessness that was also named as a cause for his actions, on the day of the massacre. Yes I know, seems a little flat to blame that doesn’t it? Well so does gaming, but that was on the list too. Imagine how soft and weak minded you’d have to be to be influenced by that? Just my opinion there. But anyway, both were released early for their good behaviour with both showing regret for their actions. To which Harris later posted it was something he lied about, he boasted about his success of deceit towards the law. To cut to the chase, months later the two went to school armed with pistols, knives, sub-machine guns and shotguns and opened fire on anyone in their path.
These young men were on some sort of mission. Claimed to be soldiers against society, they made it their job to wreck havoc in the school to which they primarily targetted ‘jocks.’ Also in some cases they let some victims go, asking them a question to which they’d answer before deciding to let them free, strange huh? In continuation with jock targetting. The boys asked anyone with a white cap to stand up. It was speculated that these two were bullied heavily in school by these jocks. Seriously, I was reading it like a novel. The stuff they said when looking for victims was scary. Things like: Looking under a desk and shouting “peek-a-boo” to then shoot somebody in the head.. I mean where did they get this idea from? Asking victims if they believed in God before shooting, the trenchcoats they wore, the claim that when asked why they were doing this to a reply of “Oh, we’re just killing people.” It sounds like something off a horror/crime thriller film. It’s mind blowing to think any human being can do such a thing, to perform such an act of emotionless, remorseless killing really creeps me out.
But it’s this idea of consequences that slips by so easily. These two were supposed victims of bullying. It was more than likely the case, if you remember me stating their interests in gaming and technology along with the targetting of the jocks later. This is where it comes into play, the idea of being beaten up mentally or physically for what their interests are. Sure people can disagree with things, but to personally attack them in some way shows a real lack of any thought or brains. Sure, it’s a very rare case that a victim of bullying goes on a rampage. But all too often it leads to the sense of loneliness which consequently leads to depression and in extreme cases that can lead to suicide to which both of the boys did at the end of their rampage.
The state in which a person doesn’t want to live anymore is one I’ve never got my head around. I understand it in the sense that perhaps due to some circumstance, your body seems more of hinderence than a joy. To the point where the only thing that works is your mind. You’ve got to understand with a state like that you lose a lot in life and I’d imagine they feel like they’re imprisoned by their body and ultimately the law against assisted suicide. Imagine the state you’d have to be in to take away something that the majority of us cherish and are grateful for. Extreme stuff, but I bet the culprits of the bullying had no idea what mental damage they were causing to these boys. Something they could see as harmless fun for their group was destroying them both inside to the point of a massacre, in revenge against society. The hate created caused by the actions of other school’mates’ that may well have consequently lead to loss of 13 lives and the two suicides on top of that.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not sympathising here. What they did was fucking crazy, insane, barbaric and down right stupid. But there’s a part of me that thinks maybe this was all caused by something that was initially percieved as miniscule. But later on it caused something that is now rated the fourth worst massacre in America. To think they rate such a thing eh? It’s the butterfly effect in action. Some may call it vague and silly, but look at it in this way and it makes complete sense. The idea that if a ball is rolled down a mountain it follows a path. Change the angle in which you roll the ball only slightly and an entire new path is created. Deep shit huh? I hope you can see where I’m coming from here. I mean it’s so damn fascinating. Maybe I should have took up Psychology? Because the human mind is a powerful and mysterious thing and it seems i’m a sucker to finding facts and reasonings behind mysteries. Imagine just being in either Harris’s or Klebold’s mind for just a minute. Imagine what you’d experience, what you’d find out…
Curiosity has been a thing that has made us do some very dumb things. You see it in movies all the time, a dark room in an apocolyptic zombie filled world. “You guys stay here, I’m just going to derp into this room alone… In a zombie apocolypse… I don’t have night vision, but I’m curious.” It’s like, you fucking dipshit.. WHY?! It’s just one of those things that makes us human and makes me write a shite load about it!
So I guess the message of this long winded post is before you do something just think of the consequences it could have. Things that you may think are insignificant, maybe later in life they wont be that way. This goes right down to a certain road you take at a junction or maybe things you might say to a certain person as a ‘joke’.. I’m not saying live life always scared and anxious as to what happens next. Just remember this theory and store it there for whenever you may need it. Sure, as i’ve already said live life in the moment. Doesn’t mean you don’t think about it at the time. That’s why your mind was created..
I tell you what, this new year resolution of posting everday is going fairly well eh? I forgot to mention it was my new year resolution, well there you go. So yeah this time I’ve got more of a personal experience for you. One you might say is quite ‘sensitive’ to poke at… And pull. I’m joking I didn’t snap THAT string you were thinking of, shame on you. Infact I didn’t snap any string, but this new guitar of mine does test my patience.
So yeah recently for Christmas I recieved an acoustic guitar from that fat old peado chav, who wears that red tracksuit. You know him? Yeah so anyway, I’m no expert, infact I’m a total beginner. The thing is it’s one of those things that people always wished they tried when they were younger. A common regret as such. So I thought hey-ho, may aswell give it a go (rhymes that even Shakespeare would be proud of I’m sure.) But seriously, I’d love to get good at it and of course i’ll try, but I’m quickly learning this ain’t no Guitar Hero. Even then I was shit. Going on hard mode and adding the fourth finger was a complete mindfuck. But someday later in life I hope that I’ll have a basement just full of guitars. Just like I go down the basement stairs, pull the light on, see them on the walls, cream the pants and simply turn off the light, walk back up stairs and clean myself with a tea towel… I then put the tea towel back on the draining board and proceed to clean the dishes…Which need drying… It’s the only tea towel in the house…
Left you on an awkward one there eh? So yeah, guitars… Just to be good, play a song that everyone knows, rift like freakin’ Slash and above all just actually enjoy playing the damn thing are all things I’ll look forward to. But there’s no easy path to start, this shit’s an expedition greater than any. I mean these past few days have been an absolute soap drama between me and my guitar. I threatened to cut it’s strings, it tried to smother me with my own friggin’ pillow and then I accidentally hit it off the wardrobe and gave it the tiniest scratch in the world. Yet I panicked about it like a bitch. Such phrases featured, all came out of my mouth. “It’s ruined, it’s fucking ruined.” — “It’s all my fault, fuck you Sam, you twat!” — “Oh God, you can see it from a fucking mile off!” I kid you not, it’s the tiniest damn thing ever. Infact I looked at it today and actually lost where the scratch was. But that’s how I get with new things, I try to look after them as best as I can. That is until it gets majorly messed up, for which then all my hard work is lost and thereafter I couldn’t give a toss if it gets scratched anymore.
More on the subject of actually trying to learn a song or make a tune, it seems the internet is actually a great source for learning… Only parts of a song. An example of this would be some cock head on YouTube, it went a little like.. “Alright, welcome to the tutorial, I’m your host Cockhead McGee. I’m here to basically depress you by showing off into this camera and not actually explain what I’m doing fully. So erm yeah, watch me go!” So there he goes, showing off, hey hey look what I can do.. Yeah fuck off you twat, now teach me. “Alright, that was me being an arrogant cock. Now I’m going teach you only the best parts of the song.” This then leads to him only teaching the finger picking and the chorus.. What about the verses? How many times do you see a friend play the first part of a song or maybe the best bit of a song and never finish it? Like they never bother playing the whole song. You know why? Because nobody ever bothers to actually learn the boring rhythm part of it. Only the die hard, like me… The nine day insta-pro. I mean sure, I bet they actually have learnt it, but why bother just seeming like a cock and playing a section. Thy king must see more, entertain me peasants with your full songs!
The best part about the tutorials is actually the bit they try and teach me, I get completely lost anyway. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’ve made massive progress… My anger management classes are much calmer now, so much so I got my first golden star.. BITCHES JEALOUS?! FUCK YEAH!! YOU BETTER BE!! Whoops, there it goes again! In all seriousness though, I have made progress. But i’ve found there’s been a few problems in strumming. You’ll watch the guy on YouTube strum and think “Damn that seems easy!” How very wrong, it sounds nothing like it. Yes I have tuned my guitar, yes it is done correctly, yes i’m sure, it’s just I’m retarded at strumming with a pick. It sounds as if my guitar is dieing, like each time I strum it sounds like the strings are about to break any second. So I loosen up a bit and PING! The sound is that bad the friggin’ pick goes flying. It’s thinking “Fuck this shit, better save myself whilst I can!” I don’t blame it, if I could jump away from all my troubles I would have done so by now. Not in the way of jumping off a bridge you suicidal bastards, like jump and they are gone.. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WAS GETTING AT SHUT UP! Writing this is seriously going to get my gold star removed.
So after all this drama i’ve found myself kind of settling down I guess. Still playing shit, but settling down. Would you call it improvement? Or just suffering in silence? I guess my neighbours hate me now, but this is all revenge for their ‘I like to bark at 2am’ dog. Practice makes perfect is the saying, you have to admit it’s right. But what that saying doesn’t tell you is how shite practicing is at times. I dunno, the main thing I’m try to say here though is if you have any glimmer of will to do something, do it now. That way when you’re older you can say “Yeah I did that and how shit it was!” Instead of kicking yourself and never really finding out how shit it really was in the end. In my naivity of course I would say playing guitar is shit right now. But if that’s the case why do I find myself picking it up again and again? To take indie topless photos of myself with the guitar and then edit them in photoshop of course! JOKING! The real reason is because that thing is addictive, it’s a love-hate relationship. I just hope I actually do improve. You never know maybe I’ll keep you up to date on my progress here? I hate to plan though. Purely because plans never work. Live in the moment! Sound like such a fucking hippy it’s unreal.
So yeah, that’s me and my experience of starting to play guitar. See y’around bitches.
Well would you look at me? Two posts in two days, it’s official, you ain’t on planet Earth anymore. This topic has recently got me so fascinated and generally interested in how a long distance relationship would work and also the dangers that can come with meeting somebody over the internet.
It’s all cropped up from the recent events of a certain bluemin’ great chap. He recently found a girl on the internet who lives a long plane flight away.. No she’s not a ladyboy from Thailand, it’s that place we love to stereotype with fast food, guns, war and George Bush… Kind of gave it away on the last one, well unless you’re completely retarded. If so, it was America.. Fucking moron. Anyway, after dwelling on the subject for awhile I began to wonder how it could actually work.
It’s tricky to understand because there can be so many different forms. One in particular could be a soldier who’s fighting a pointless war in the Eastern side of the world, who would like to video chat to his wife and kids.. That I understand because they’ve met in person but due to his job he’s been forced to become a long distance father etc.
But in a relationship that has started over the internet on a site like ‘Match.com’ or ‘Chat Roulette (Garunteed 100% chance of getting a relationship, try it now! You won’t regret it! *trollface*)’ whereby you would flirt over the internet to try and get yourself a date/partner/wife/fuckbuddy in an ideal world. Anyway what i’m trying to get at is that a major part of flirting is body language and all the other subliminal bullcrap, things can only really be picked up in person and maybe marginally on video chat if pixels is your ting. It really does baffle me, but it works annnnd in others it doesn’t. It leads to death, well that’s their fault for being so desperate and naive. All you can do is shrug your shoulders and say ‘lol.’ Cause that seems like a perfect reply to everything now huh? Seriously though, how many horror stories are heard from people meeting online and then meeting up in real life to find death or the mental scars 4 life committee at their doorstep? Yes, quite.
So once you pass/survive that stage and start getting into a ‘serious’ relationship, doesn’t that naturally involve intimacy that is naturally seen as a part of being in a ‘serious’ relationship? I’m talking from a percpective of long distance relationships here where the only contact is through calling, video chat or a big hefty plane ticket. But if the only contact you get is through pixels I don’t understand how you can call yourself in love? Again, understandable from the soldier point of view. But if you met online and you are now having a relationship online how does that work? I mean this in no dis respect to anyone in a relatable relationship, it’s just that it completely confuses me. Can it actually happen? Is it just people being naive? Can you fall in love with a screen? What’s the deal with ladyboys? Scrap that last one, I really wouldn’t like you to wikipedia it and return wide eyed and broken inside.. For the sake of your sanity, just dont..
I’m not sure if you think the same way and if it confuses you in the way it does to me, but.. Even now, I’m like wtf?! How?! I mean would they cyber-se… Nevermind, or like lie in a bed in Habbo Hotel or… Y’know? It’s just like, okay that’s fine. Do what you want by all means, just think about it though. What makes you feel attached to somebody you’ve never met in the flesh? I’m done here, Raviolli awaits me. Peace.
Guess who’s back, back again? This twat’s back, tell a friend. Yes, yes I have done what only one before me has ever done.. I revived my own ass up! Me and Jesus are cool like that. After a break for no apparent reason other than I like breaks, I am back. So shall we crack on about how to be a stereotype? WELL OKAY THEN!
It seems that most things in life that trend often arrive with their very own stereotypes. I did a little personal study in town today, all in my head of course. Wouldn’t want to creep anyone else as I frantically scribbled down notes on a giant blackboard? No, chalkboard? Offensive to both races surely, how about board of which a soft rock is applied to, to create words, images or cocks and boobs. Anyway, so there I was strolling about in Coventry being an indie prick (I’ll cover them at a later date) taking pictures for my A level Art course when suddenly a wild group of emo’s sprung about. Guess where? The cathedral, the gloomiest god forsaken place in the city. I mean sure it looks lovely but bloomin’ ‘eck Nasher that place is dark and depressing as fook.
So anyway, any normal person would walk past and think ‘fucking emo kids’ and stroll on. But me, oh I just like to stare and process what actually makes them emo. So I compiled a list, see if you check out.
THE SURVEY OF AN EMO
Terribly dyed black hair – Yes ☑ No ☐
A swish like hair cut – Yes ☑ No ☐
High tops – Yes ☑ No ☐
Skinny/Spray on jeans that – Yes ☑ No ☐
A skateboard you can’t even use, you just keep – Yes ☑ No ☐
failing. But fuck it you look cool pretending!
You have a piercing – Yes ☑ No ☐
You love to draw blood from your forearms because you
feel it releases the stress of being a care free, no bills
to pay, no children to feed, no house to keep, no job – Yes ☑ No ☐
to sustain kid.. Must be real hard for you, well unless your
mum beats you of course. If that’s the case, SPARK HER!
You listen to some heavy rock shit, or ‘screamo’ -Yes ☑ No ☐
Well would you look at that bitches, I just stereotyped y’all. Don’t hate me, hate the survey, it can be a prick like that. But in all seriousness I check 2 or maybe 3 of them… Do you think I could be accepted? Maybe next time I should walk over there and just show them my iPod and the artists on there as like a keycode, see if I pass. Can’t wait until they see ‘Susan Boyle’ or ‘One Direction.’ I’m joking of course, just Susan Boyle.
So anyway, what i’m trying to point out (if there is any point to this babble) is that every trend will have it’s stereotypes, just because your stereotypes differ from others doesn’t mean they’re in the wrong. Except if you’re indie (or so you think), you can fuck off. I mean even being ‘indie’ has it’s stereotypes now because it’s a fucking trend. I mean I could stereotype you for just being sat at a computer, you nerd. Look at me, writing a blog, fucking nerd. I say we unite, maybe form a huge stereotype battle? What if you cross between stereotypes? We’ll only beat up your nerdy side.
All i’m saying is next time you see a group of similar styled kids, just look at what they’re all trending and apply them to a group or a derogatory name. Seriously, it’s a bundle of fun! Heck, it’s stereotyping, that’s why racism is all to common nowadays. Good going Luis Suarez, heard of an orthodontist recently? Goofy prick. Oh yeah and John Terry? Remember when you weren’t a twat? Neither do I…
As I’m new to the blogging world I’m getting to set myself some goals. To start off with, I will be following the rule of a blog post a day.
I’ve got some rants lined up for the next three days or so and I’ve hopefully got some stories to tell of what is looking to be a busy weekend! So in other words, if I haven’t posted on a day i’m most definitely dead. If I haven’t posted on a day and it turns out I am alive, shoot me because I have failed the great resolution! Come to think of it, does anyone stick to their resolutions? I feel a blog on that topic coming along!
Just a little warning to say that I’m not exactly a light-hearted writer. Of course I can be, but where’s the fun in that? Just a heads up for y’all!